Once upon a time there was Cool Man Dave. Cool Man Dave wasn’t… cool. He was a dork of the highest order. Not geek or nerd, or something else good like that… oh no. He was dorkus maximus.

Little Matt brought him around to our group several times to hang out with. He was 16 or 17 at the time we last saw him. This is the story of how Cool Man Dave never came around anymore…

Little Matt had just took Cool Man Dave home after hanging out. There are about 6 or 7 of us still sitting on the front porch of my house, scheming. He was particularly annoying that day, and something must be done. This is what we came up with.

The next time CMD came around, we acted normal, until 6pm. It was the summer solstice, you see. And we had plans. And we were running a little late. No one had time to run CMD home, so we had to bring him with us. But thats OK, it was time he knew about the secret life we lead.

Everyone loaded a few boxes into the trunk of a car and off we went. Drove out into the boonies. Steve kept telling CMD how cool it was going to be, that Steve was being initiated after a long wait. And if things went well, CMD would be initiated too.

We all pulled into a dirt road, and off into the woods as far as we could. Tom met us there, saying everything was ready. Unloaded the boxes and walked out into a clearing in the woods. We opened the boxes, and all pulled out long robes. Steve and CMD were told to stay just out of site, behind a fallen tree in the woods, and wait to be called.

As it was getting dark, it was time. We started a small fire in the middle of the clearing and started chanting nonsense. Tom and Matt went off in another direction and came back a few minutes later, carrying a tall blonde girl. Kerri was Tom’s girlfriend, but CMD never met her before. She was dressed in a white gown. She acted unconcious, since she was our sacrifice…

At this point CMD was getting a little nervous, but it was the coolest thing he had ever seen, and paid rapt attention. Kerri was tied to a tree, where she slowly became concious. Our meaningless chants continued on, until Lori said it was time, the sun had set.

We walked up to Kerri said a few words, and plunged a fake stage knife into her chest. The fake blood bags were incredibly realistic. A few screams and it was over.

Steve was telling CMD how cool it was, and that it was almost his turn to go into the circle, when noises were heard from the forest.

Jason (who CMD also didn’t know) and several of his friends showed up dressed as state troopers. They had their weapons drawn, loaded with blanks.

“It’s more of those cultists, kill them all before they get away!” Jason shouted, as they started firing at each of us.

We all went down in great death scenes. Me, Tom, Lori, Damo, Big Matt, and Little Matt. The hardest thing to do while dying is not to start laughing.
Steve grabbed CMD and got them both running, when Steve went down with a shot to the back. “Run away, and never forget us!” Steve yells, as the troopers come up and put several more rounds into him. The turn as CMD runs off into the forest, never to be seen again.

…

At least, that was our plan, but CMD just kinda stopped coming around. That, and we were worried he really would take off into the woods never to be seen again, and he was still under 18 and we’d probably get into trouble.

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